


How To Write Trans Men: A Guide

by fragilelittleteacup



Series: Original Works [5]
Category: Multi-Fandom, No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - Trans, Appropriation of Transgender Masculinity, Dysphoria, Educational, Embedded Images, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Fanfiction, Feminization, Fetishization, Gen, Gender Related, Good Writing, Guides, LGBTQ Character, Masculinity, Meta, Nonfiction, Not Beta Read, Nudity, Phalloplasty, Relationship(s), Sex Positive, Slurs, Suggestive Themes, Trans, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, Writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2020-10-04 18:14:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20475404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragilelittleteacup/pseuds/fragilelittleteacup
Summary: This is a beginner's guide to writing trans male characters. I hope it helps inform somebody's writing, and changes the way that fandoms view trans men. There is a big difference between a trans man exploring his identity through fanfiction, and a cis writer repeatedly misrepresenting what it means to be FTM. If you're a cis writer with the best of intentions, I hope these guidelines and resources will assist you in improving your treatment of trans men....This is all based on my opinion, and my lived experience as an adult trans man. You can disregard or deeply consider my words, I don't really care which, all I ask is that you engage with me politely and respectfully....This guide has been updated and improved since being first posted! If you are FTM and you have suggestions, feel free to comment! If you're cis, please send this (via URL) to your fellow cis writers!





	How To Write Trans Men: A Guide

**Author's Note:**

> This guide is intended to educate cisgender writers, so it contains uncensored terms which may trigger readers who have gender dysphoria. If you are reading, and you are transgender, please proceed carefully! This is, first and foremost, an educational resource for cis people. Some of the links I include in-text contain accounts from transgender men that feature AFAB language, too. But nothing fetishistic or feminising. Just trans men speaking about their bodies in ways they are most comfortable.  
.  
.  
It would be impossible to capture the full scope of FTM experiences and public figures, but I have included a range of gentlemen towards the end of this document. (I do not own any of the images, and full credit goes to the original photographers. I have linked many sources, and you can use reverse image searches to investigate the sources of remaining photos.) If you think of any additional men that you reckon should be included, feel free to leave me a comment. That aside, though, feel free to leave a comment regardless! I'd love to hear from you.  


**PRE-GUIDE DEFINITIONS AND COMMENTS:**

  * **Transgender Person:** Somebody who does not identify as their gender assigned at birth. Being transgender is not a choice. Transgender communities include binary and non-binary people. This term has become more popular in modern times, due to the linguistic focus on gender and the broader application of the word.
  * **Transsexual Person:** A person who has changed, or wishes to change, their external gender through medical treatments. Or, people who experience a persistent need to transition into the opposite sex. The term preceded "transgender", and I will mention some influential transsexual men in this guide, some of whom were never able to medically transition.
  * **Cisgender Person:** Somebody who identifies as their assigned gender at birth, AKA most men and women. This is a term used to differentiate the rest of the population from transgender people. Cisgender individuals do not _identify_ as cisgender, per se; it is simply a term used to avoid sentences like, "transgender people and normal people". As transgender people are not abnormal, and should not be labelled insultingly, the word "cisgender" just helps create non-hostile clarification.
  * **Trans Man:** A man who was assigned a female gender at birth, but experiences an internal sense of self that is male.
  * **FTM:** Female-to-male.
  * **Trans Woman:** A woman who was assigned a male gender at birth, but experiences an internal sense of self that is female.
  * **MTF**: Male-to-female.
  * **Non-Binary Person:** Somebody who does not identify as their gender assigned at birth, but also does not feel that they fit into the binaries of male and female.
  * **Gender Dysphoria:** A sense of distress, ranging from mild to severe, caused by a misalignment between a person's internal sense of self and their assigned gender at birth. Many non-binary people experience gender dysphoria, but in this guide, I will be focussing mainly on the dysphoria of transgender males, and how fetishistic fanfiction can trigger dysphoric reactions.
  * **Transitioning:** A blanket term, used to describe steps taken to affirm a person's identity. Some people view their transition as a binary journey from one point to another (female to male, or male to female), whereas others have a more fluid and holistic view of their journey to self-affirmation. Transitioning (the broad term) includes medical transition (hormones, surgery), physical transition (clothing, hairstyle), and social transition (pronouns, title, name). No two transitions look the same.
  * **AGAB:** Assigned gender at birth. "I do not know their AGAB."
  * **AMAB:** Assigned male at birth. "Transgender women and some non-binary people are AMAB."
  * **AFAB:** Assigned female at birth. "Transgender men and some non-binary people are AFAB." When I refer to "AFAB language" in this guide, I am referring to language that implies female-ness, which is often used to describe transgender men in fandom spaces, and can make many trans men uncomfortable.

This guide includes a gallery of transgender men of many cultures and ethnicities. Despite that, I am writing from a western point of view, so my perspective is informed by that aspect of my own journey. No two transgender men will have the same experiences.

**Don't leave hostile comments.** I've been forced to write this guide. If the state of FTM fanfiction wasn't so horrific, I wouldn't need to post this.

**INTRODUCTION:**

I am a transgender man, and a writer. I love creating fanfiction, and also crafting my own original works, but I can no longer read other people's fanfiction... unless I have the guarantee that their works contain no FTM guys. This is due to how poorly, and how incorrectly, most cisgender writers portray men like me.

I have found myself endlessly frustrated, and sometimes distressed, by the constant feminisation of trans men within fandom culture. I grew up surrounded by people that insisted I was a female, when my internal sense of self was always male, and somehow fandom culture has bred an environment that feels disturbingly similar. If there is a "trans male" headcanon present in a cisgender person's fic, it's generally safe to assume any of the following:

  * The author has headcanoned a younger, prettier, more slender guy as a trans male.
  * The trans man is featured having penetrative sex with a more masculine, manly, and dominant cisgender partner.
  * The trans man's pre-op genitals will be described in excruciating detail, with no consideration for dysphoric readers.
  * The trans man, despite being an adult, is called a "boy" frequently. His cisgender partner is never addressed that way.

These do not always occur in the same singular fic, but the trend of feminising trans men is so well established that I'm absolutely confident in saying that it happens way too fucking often for my comfort.

Cisgender people, predominantly women, get away with describing trans men as having soft features, feminine bodies, high voices, and cute mannerisms. Not only does this trend make me severely uncomfortable, it also does not accurately reflect one single trans man I know in real life. But, for some twisted reason, trans men are not allowed to complain about fetishistic feminisation.

**There is nothing wrong with feminine men.** There is nothing wrong with expressive, gender non-conforming, proud men. I know many transgender men who love their birth anatomy, and flaunt their femininity all throughout their binary FTM transition. One guy I know puts glitter in his beard and crossdresses every weekend, and is just as male as I am, right down to his T-cock and his hairy chest. This is absolutely fine, and I support free gender expression entirely. If guys want to be cute and boyish, they're fucking awesome. And I love them. They ought to write their own fanfiction, and celebrate their bodies.

What I do _not_ support is the fetishisation of people like myself, by a widespread internet movement which (ironically) labels itself progressive and inclusive where LGBT+ rights are concerned. If you want to write an adorable Omega-esque boy with a pussy, go ahead and do that, but you really should recognise that you're not writing a FTM trans guy; you're writing something else entirely. You're writing a fetish that does not reflect most men.

This guide is not intended to kink-shame anybody. You can, of course, continue writing Omegaverse fanfiction that features cis boys with pussies. Just don't conflate those kinks with actual FTM guys, or default to femininity whenever you do write trans male headcanons. The mental health and dignity of trans men is my concern.

Try to write trans men as men. Feminine men, masculine men, androgynous men, pre-op men, men with penises, men with short hair, men with long hair... all kinds of men. **We all look different, and have different experiences of the world, which is why fanfiction needs to improve its depiction of trans guys. **We are not all young, submissive, gay boys who would consent to being penetrated by cis men.

* * *

**RULE 1: DO YOUR RESEARCH.**

The only way you can properly write trans men, and learn about transgender masculinity, is to engage with us. The following images are taken from Jess T Dugan's [To Survive On This Shore](https://www.tosurviveonthisshore.com/portraits) series. All of the pictured men are transgender.

You will notice that all of these men are... male. They are not girlish, or visually less masculine than cisgender men, and if I hadn't told you they were trans you'd have no clue. The third gentleman has a visible scar on his arm from a Phalloplasty operation, and the last man started hormonally transitioning at age 63. Ask yourself, have you ever read a fic by a cisgender person that features trans men who look this way? If you have then, holy shit, send me a link. Because I've never met a cisgender fanfic writer who realises trans men can _age_.

Not all transgender men will look like this towards the end of their life! Passing is a privilege, one that I have personally been blessed with. But even if a trans man cannot pass, or does not want to undergo processes that would masculinise his body, he still deserves the dignity of being treated as a man. Feminine men are still men, too. Just because a man is feminine doesn't mean he has zero genital dysphoria, or he would consent to being penetrated by a cisgender man– and even if he does like to be penetrated, he is not deserving of the infantilisation so commonly heaped upon feminine FTM headcanons. **You needn't turn male characters into oddly childlike caricatures of themselves, in order to justify headcanoning them as FTM.** You can write femininity without making it a fetish.

Here are a heap of links you can engage with, if you're cisgender and you want to understand trans men:

  * [Being With A Trans Guy: Intimacy Perspective](https://youtu.be/shgo-Q_-lo4).
  * [16 Things I Learned From Having Sex With Trans Men](https://www.advocate.com/sexy-beast/2018/8/08/16-things-i-learned-having-sex-trans-men).
  * [A list of FTM films and shows](https://transmalepride.wixsite.com/jakesspace/post/ftm-movies-films-and-tv-about-trans-men).
  * [FTM Transgender: 5 Years on Testosterone Comparison](https://youtu.be/zaEYAQ5c8uE).
  * [10 Questions You Always Wanted to Ask a Trans Man](https://youtu.be/lpSFFj5gJF4).
  * [A Year in Transition, a documentary](https://vimeo.com/259562788).
  * [Southern Comfort, a documentary about Robert Eads](https://youtu.be/IH0L3wlV0hg).
  * [Trans men reveal the first time they realised they were transgender](https://youtu.be/hNZkElyApew).
  * [Having A Transgender Brother](https://youtu.be/d9h7khC_RLg).
  * [More Awkward Trans Guy Things](https://youtu.be/ag_tCHnflZk).
  * [American Boys](https://www.americanboysproject.com/americanboys).
  * [Transgender Men See Sexism From Both Sides](https://time.com/transgender-men-sexism/?fbclid=IwAR0ELRivP5bSaaNgyPp2S-BOpqzU1lYJZyYAMe4Lp3WZY9c2gHwQQi1FArM).
  * [Sexing the Transman Interview: Ash](https://vimeo.com/46122677).
  * [What It's Like Living & Dating As A Trans Man](https://youtu.be/Gas-kL_AjSQ).
  * [An interview with Jamison Green, a trans man born in 1948](https://youtu.be/m3Z7SlZqxpI).
  * [Trans Men Share What It's Like to Come Out as Transgender](https://youtu.be/sBOOER0gPi4).
  * [Why trans men in the South go stealth](https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/06/why-trans-men-in-the-south-go-stealth.html).
  * [Danny: Escaping my Female Body, Part 1](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtIhK-Egonc).

**RULE 2: WRITE TRANS MEN THE SAME WAY YOU WRITE CIS MEN.**

Do you automatically characterise trans men as adorable, feminine, submissive, or cutesy? Do you only headcanon a character as being trans if he is smaller-bodied, young, or innocent? Do you focus too much on a character's transition-related characteristics? Do you use female-coded language to describe trans men, and never describe cisgender men the same way? Do you headcanon Stiles Stilinski as a young trans boy, and have a super masculine Derek Hale fucking him in his barely-of-age pussy? Do you really consider this a healthy, or accurate, way to depict trans men?

You should be asking yourself these questions.

**A trans man is a guy. What's between his legs is his business, and does not change his personality.** A trans man might be [more sympathetic to the plight of women](https://time.com/transgender-men-sexism/?fbclid=IwAR0ELRivP5bSaaNgyPp2S-BOpqzU1lYJZyYAMe4Lp3WZY9c2gHwQQi1FArM), if he was forced to live as a girl for a portion of his life, but aside from that is just another male. You should recognise this, and tailor your writing appropriately. If he's in the process of transitioning, gender may be at the forefront of his mind– but if he isn't, it's very likely that he's focussed on literally everything else.

I have _no_ issue with trans men enjoying boy-pussy content. Gender is complex, and often fantasies/kinks arise from trauma. I know men that are very dysphoric, and have wound up with kinks that take that dysphoria and turn it into sexual pleasure. It's a way of coping with their experiences, and reclaiming their bodies, especially in the case of men who want surgery but cannot afford it. Some trans men just really love their bodies, and their birth anatomy, which is very cool and sexy.

But if you're cisgender, and you're constantly writing trans men as the younger guy in a gay pair who is cartoonishly feminine, cutesy, and wants to be fucked in his vagina, you should either introduce some variety into your work or stop writing FTM guys altogether. **If you're headcanoning a male character as a trans guy, the default should _not_ be to make him feminine. **If your first instinct is to feminise a guy, just because you're supposing he transitioned from female to male, you have a fundamental misunderstanding of how most trans men identify. If you're infantilising grown men, and writing as though trans men are wildly different to cis men, you should really question _why _you view men that way.

Mocking the manhood of trans guys is transphobic. Mocking the womanhood of trans women is transphobic.

Stop turning trans people into a fetish, and using the tag "Trans Male Character" as a synonym for your feminisation kinks. Generally speaking, if you want to write an adorable boy with a pussy, go write an Omegaverse AU.

**Straight trans men exist. Some trans men only want to be with women.** Not all trans men are interested in other men, and some never explore that possibility. Stop conflating transgender manhood with always being attracted to guys. When I see cis authors endlessly pumping out cutesy gay trans headcanons, I get suspicious that they're just fulfilling their kinks, and turning trans guys into a fetish. Usually this builds onto the foundation of repeatedly making one boy in their gay ship super feminine and submissive, and the other man dominant and masculine. **It's no coincidence that trans guys come to inhabit the submissive, feminine role in cisgender fanfiction. Cut it out.**

And yes, I am a gay man. My words do not come from a place of internalised homophobia. I am simply sick of my identity being appropriated by cis authors in order to satisfy their feminisation kinks.

**You cannot call yourself an ally of the community if you're treating trans men like a fetish.** You can't throw around catchphrases like, "use people's pronouns" and "everyone is valid", and just think that's good enough. If you're posting explicit pornography that features transphobic fetishisation, and you constantly disrespect trans men through this medium, you are perpetuating and excusing transphobia. All the catchphrases and shallow activism in the world won't compensate for the dehumanisation and dysphoria you're causing.

**RULE 3: CONSIDER HOW OFFENSIVE IT IS TO HEADCANON REAL-LIFE CIS MEN AS TRANS.**

I'm not going to debate the morality of RPF, because that's an argument I really want no part of. But I do have a problem with so-called "trans headcanons" of real-life cisgender men, because that crosses the line. Being transgender in this world is hard. Really hard. Being a transgender man has its own unique struggles and difficulties, but the one thing we can always hold onto is that our stories are our own. That's why we fight for more representation in mainstream media. That's why we want trans stories being told by trans people, and for cisgender viewpoints to stop intruding in our spaces. Cisgender men do not know what it's like to be a transgender man. They do not know what it's like to grow up feeling that you're missing a part of yourself, that people are looking at you wrong, that you're performing a role you don't understand, pretending to be female.

Similarly, white men do not know what it's like to be black... would it be okay to headcanon Chris Evans as a black dude? Fuck _no_, it wouldn't. Because that's appropriation of culture, is super racist, and is just weird. White people have systematically oppressed black people for years. I consider real-life trans headcanons to be equally repulsive; after all, cisgender people have systematically oppressed trans people for years. (Not in the same way, but you get the gist.)

**We are not a fetish. **We are not a kink for cisgender people to employ when they want to write about a twenty-something celebrity being penetrated vaginally.

Opinions are individual. Not everyone has to agree with me. Some trans men may even write trans AU RPF, and to those of you who do, whatever. Feel free. I won't stop you because I have no right to police the behaviour of fellow FTM guys, though I may seriously take issue with it. But, as a trans man, I beg cisgender writers to stop this kind of fetishisation.

**RULE 4: ASK YOURSELF WHY YOU'RE INCLUDING A TRANS MAN IN YOUR STORY.**

Do you just want to write a trans man getting fucked? If so, do it well. Consult trans men first, and make sure you're proceeding with caution. Smut and pornography is great, I enjoy it frequently myself, and I write it too. But when I include someone who is outside of my demographic, I do so with respect. I don't know what it's like to be a lesbian, or a trans woman, so I do my research. I listen to lesbians, I listen to trans women, I listen to non-binary people when I consider including a genderqueer person. Because that's important. Trans men are no exception.

Do you want to include a trans man for the purposes of inclusivity, or representation? If so, portraying him properly should be of utmost importance. Think about the way you're writing, and why you're writing him a certain way. I've written fics that feature men being penetrated, but you'll notice that I write trans men the same way I write cis men; as just another character. I do not view trans men as a fetish. We're just men, using our bodies to have sex.

Are you including a trans man so that you can turn his transition, or deadname, into a plot point? Are you creating a kind of "mystery" around his identity, that hinges on a cisgender character accepting him, forcing the trans guy to go through transphobic abuse along the way? If so, then... maybe don't? Heaps of early trans-focussed movies depicted being trans as a sinful secret, a part of a person's life that they had to hide, or turned their gender into the most interesting (and damning) thing about them. These kinds of plots can be done well, but not when the whole thing ultimately revolves around a cisgender character being characterised as a saint, just for not being a complete asshole about the trans person's identity. Trans people are under no obligation to beg for approval. You can write acceptance tales well, or you can write them very badly.

Additionally, a comment on this fic has prompted me to clarify the following; an interest in transgender headcanons and fics does not necessarily mean you are fetishising the community.

I've met quite a few transgender people, both binary and non-binary, who had a passionate interest in transgender topics before transitioning, but didn't know why this was. They weren't yet out of the closet, or sure of their own identity, so they worried they were inappropriately focussing on trans people. I was in this position myself, once, and I privately wrote FTM stories when I still thought I was a girl.

While it's always good to deeply consider your relationship with a community you don't yet identify with, I will say that not everybody who is interested in transgender people is necessarily fetishising us. If you are exploring your gender identity, you may use language that _you_ connect with at that stage of your journey, which may be language that men like myself would probably not use. **As long as you forewarn any language that you use, you are free to express yourself however you would like, through the lens of headcanons! **The only thing I would ask you to consider is that this is a public forum. So it is reasonable to expect that transgender men will come across your work. It is possible to explore your own identity while also ensuring nobody (ideally) feels dysphoric.

If you are steadfastly cisgender, and you're not questioning your gender identity whatsoever, you have a different obligation to represent transgender men, as per the advice communicated to you from within the community. If you are not using transgender headcanons to express your own gender identity, and you simply want to include a trans character for the purposes of creativity, diversity, pornography, or anything else, then there are rules that you should respect, and follow. Much in the same way that a white person should not apply unrealistic/racist characteristics to black characters, cisgender writers should not apply unrealistic/transphobic characteristics to transgender characters.

An interest in transgender representation, and a desire to have fics populated by the entire spectrum of LGBT individuals, is not necessarily bad! **When depictions of transgender men do not deviate from one stereotype of cutesy transgender boyhood, however, and those depictions are based on a transphobic misrepresentation of true FTM diversity... _then_ we have a problem.**

**RULE 5A: RESPECT DYSPHORIC TRANS MEN.**

Being at odds with your body is uncomfortable at best, and severely debilitating at worst. Some men despise the fact that they weren't born with penises, and are hugely upset by female-coded language being used to describe their anatomy (pussy, vagina, cunt, etc). And yes, I know these words are technically gender-neutral or whatever, but when you're transitioning from female to male, the association is often impossible to shake. Trans men are not obligated to be comfortable with anything, especially when it comes to their own bodies. If a trans woman is allowed to be uncomfortable with the word "penis", then a trans man is allowed to be uncomfortable with any of the corresponding alternatives... which are often so brazenly and explicitly used in FTM fanfiction.

I read a fic recently that made me nauseous. It's important that I bring it up again in this guide.

And a warning, if you have dysphoria, my re-telling of this fic may distress you. I will also briefly mention self-harm as I describe my reaction to this fic. This stuff is not fun to talk about, but it's necessary. I am also going to be talking about shark week, AKA p*riods. Please skip to the next section if you could be upset by Rule 5's elaboration.

The author had described the trans man's breasts, talking about how he was slightly less impressive in size than "other women", and proceeded to graphically describe him being penetrated and impregnated by a cisgender man. If you'd switched the pronouns around, the writer would have been describing a woman. I literally felt ill, and couldn't make it to the end of the story. The author had taken a masculine character from canon and put him in a dress, made him wear frilly and feminine clothing, made him submissive and utterly different in personality, and then had him consent to being penetrated by a _complete stranger_. The cis man even fondled his chest, which made me feel like vomiting.

I have never been so dysphoric while reading a fic before, in my whole life. **As a transgender man, I should not have to encounter that crap. I should not have to feel that way in my own fandom.**

If the cis female author had offered any warnings, in _any way, _I would not have read that story. Being female-presenting, because you have not come out yet, is not synonymous with being non-dysphoric, being okay with penetration, or allowing a complete stranger to ejaculate inside your body. The author saying that her FTM character was still female-presenting, at that point in his transition, was not enough of a warning. I began reading with the expectation that the character would be similar to canon, and was horrified at what I found.

If you're going to write a feminine trans man, then cool. Go for it. **Just know that many trans men have severe body dysphoria, sometimes to the point that being characterised as feminine makes them self harm.** You ought to put _proper _warnings on your stories, so that masculine trans men can browse FTM fiction without feeling that they have no place in their own fanfiction community. I wanted to hurt myself after I finished reading that fic. I couldn't sleep. I lost my appetite. My skin felt hot, my breathing was shallow, and a combination of anger and anxiety choked me. This is what extreme dysphoria feels like. This is what you risk doing to trans men when you post fetishistic fics.

Not every transgender man feels the same about these issues. Not every transgender man is triggered by the same things. This author should not have assumed that she could post this fic without considering the entire scope of FTM journeys, and how upsetting many of us would realistically find her portrayal of a previously-masculine character. **Some trans men experience body dysphoria so intense that they cannot look at themselves, touch themselves, or allow themselves to be touched.**

**RULE 5B: HANDLE PREGNANCY AND MENSTRUATION CAREFULLY.**

I would advise not discussing menstruation, if at all possible. Tackling that subject requires tact, research, communication with IRL trans men, and the use of language which is not feminising. A comment left by a trans man on this guide has communicated to me his dysphoria in response to infantilising, humiliating fics written by cis people, that portray menstruating trans men as "cutesy, oblivious, small damsels in distress". You need to forewarn your language if you intend to use terms like "period" and "time of the month". Those terms, while fine in the eyes of many AFAB trans people, are seriously triggering for men such as myself. And, evidently, the gentleman who so kindly took the time to share his feelings with me.

I have been on Testosterone long enough that I've forgotten I ever had to deal with that monthly agony. It wasn't just physical pain, either; it was an assault of dysphoria, hormonal hysteria, and self-hatred. I didn't use any words to refer to those cursed days, because I didn't talk about it at all. It was a struggle to even care for my body. I hated everything about my biology in those moments.

My intent is not to shame any trans men who still menstruate, or any AFAB people whose bodies function in that way. The ability to carry children is, in essence, a wonderful thing! (One of my favourite documentaries is [From Daddy's Tummy](https://www.abc.net.au/austory/from-daddys-tummy/6684254), about an Australian father who carried his own child.) But when you have gender dysphoria, and you wish you had been born recognisably male, what is delightful for others can be genuinely horrific for you personally. Being socially woke, unfortunately, hasn't banished my dysphoria! **And cis authors need to be aware that no two trans readers will respond to one topic the same way; some trans men are fine with menstruation, most are not.**

Even if a trans man is okay with such bodily functions, he is probably not a helpless little boy who needs to be bundled up in blankets and fed chocolate. Care and affection from partners is wonderful, but you don't need to turn trans men into childlike, cutesy boys in order to portray them being comforted during menstruation. A grown man can snuggle up to his partner and eat chocolate without being reduced to an infantile caricature of himself.

Men who menstruate work jobs. Men who menstruate have lovers. Men who menstruate are adults, professionals, fathers, and husbands. You can be a masculine, adult man, and still experience that bodily function. **Menstruation is not synonymous with being feminine.** If you want to write a fic where a trans man is being comforted by his lover while he is experiencing cramps or hormonal depression, you can do so, without it coming across as a fetish.

If you scroll down, you will see photographs of two transgender men, who were stealth throughout their lives, but never underwent medical transitions; Willmer Broadnax, a black gospel singer, and Billy Tipton, a jazz musician. Billy raised three adopted sons, had relationships with multiple women throughout the years, and worked hard on his musical career. Willmer's unique voice gave his work an unmatched appeal, and he found wild success in the gospel music scene. Both of them were competent, talented, social, masculine men. They both likely menstruated throughout their years on this earth. Consider them, and their stories, before you gravitate towards an unrealistic standard of femininity, and apply that to menstruation.

A young trans man who is trying to cope with his own menstrual pain and gender dysphoria will innately know how to approach his own fics. He has every right to use whatever language he wants to express himself. A young trans man writing a feminine guy his own age is not the same as a cisgender writer defaulting to youthful femininity, due to a stereotyping perception of trans men. **As cisgender authors, you need to realise that you do not experience gender dysphoria, and are unqualified to know how we feel about our bodies. **You must do your research, engage with trans men, and add notes about what language you intend to use.

I feel like this goes without saying, but many of us consider pregnancy our worst nightmare. I would rather die than ever carry a child, which is part of the reason I intend to get a hysterectomy as soon as I financially can. Some trans men want to carry their own biological children, which I both love and respect; it's not that I look down on anybody who chooses to carry children, it's just that my own gender dysphoria rejects that scenario violently, when it comes to my own body. **I cannot offer any insight on how to write trans men carrying children with their partners, because I'm yet to encounter one single fic that does it well. **I can handle kink-heavy, super sexualised fics that contain _mentions _of impregnation, but even then, I'm unable to write a trans man actually carrying and birthing a child. That stuff is too traumatising for me. Once it goes beyond sex and kink, into real-world pregnancy stuff, it's dysphoria-inducing. Everyone has different limits.

**RULE 6A: DON'T PORTRAY DAMAGING STUFF.**

This is a separate rule to "do your research", because it warrants special attention. If you're cisgender, have some respect, and avoid the following:

  * Scenes of graphic assault, whether sexual or physical, where the trans man is suffering at the hands of transphobic attackers. [Brandon Teena](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brandon_Teena), a member of the FTM community, died in circumstances like that. The transgender community has dealt with these kinds of struggles for years, and if you're going to address our difficulties, be sure not to do so voyeuristically. Our suffering is not entertainment.
  * Trans men self-harming. This includes forms of self harm that are not recognised by cisgender people, including binding unsafely [despite the risks](https://transmalepride.wixsite.com/jakesspace/post/chest-binding-basics) (with [bandages](https://ftmtopsurgery.tumblr.com/post/123826785771/broadstreetvegan-hey-people-who-are-binding) or duct tape). You can explore dark themes in your writing, sure, but for fuck's sake, be _responsible _about it. You never know what young kid you're influencing, what your readers take away from your stories. At least add an author's note telling people to bind safely, and offer at least one resource to help guys stay healthy. Binding dangerously can compromise a man's ability to undergo surgery, and can result in severe health conditions.
  * Misgendering, deadnaming, and unnecessary transition-related conflict. You can explore this stuff, like I've said previously, you just have to be careful. Write it well. Be responsible. Tag everything. **If you add all the necessary warnings to your fics, I'll hold my hands up in surrender, because at least you're giving guys a chance to opt out before clicking.**

**RULE 6B: WRITE CHEST BINDING RESPONSIBLY.**

To expand on the second bullet point in the above list, you need to be very careful when you portray trans men binding in fanfiction, because you may influence your readers to do seriously unsafe things.

Just because you are writing in a certain cultural or historical context does _not _mean you need to include a trans man binding his chest with bandages. Our community has been aware for years that bandages are unsafe, but unfortunately, mainstream media has reversed a lot of the work that was done by transsexual community elders in the past. [This booklet](https://dspace.library.uvic.ca/bitstream/handle/1828/4075/Janus_FTM_1980.pdf?sequence=1&isAllowed=y), published in December of 1980 by Lou Sullivan, addressed the dangers of using bandages to flatten chests; even back then, our community knew how harmful and agonising bandages could be.

Granted, Lou suggested using a tummy flattener, which would be inadvisable nowadays, but he was working with what he knew; and even he knew that bandages are unsafe.

If you are writing in a historical or fantasy context, one in which the words "chest binder" may appear odd, you can do what I did in a [recent Witcher fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22478392/chapters/53775343), and use vague language to describe a chest binder:

_They were a fascination to those around them; an androgynous little thing with dull eyes and a pale, freckle-dotted face, black hair kept short and boyish, chest bound down with a carefully stitched undershirt. They parried questions and ignored attempts to discern their sex, happy to be seen as a boy most of the time, treasuring the warm fluidity of their soul._

I simply wrote that the (young, non-binary) character was wearing an undershirt that flattened their chest. That, in essence, was a chest binder. It's that easy! **You don't need to include bandages.** People have known how to sew and make clothes for centuries, and no matter the context, I can almost guarantee that your character could have access to such a garment. You can slip that into your writing and make it work very organically.

Please watch [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQ8nIaU9foM), so that you really understand how painful and damaging chest binding can be, if you do it with bandages. Binding always comes with risks. Even if you wear a gc2b chest binder, and you follow all the rules, you still are compressing your body in a way it would not usually be compressed. Binding is not _necessary_ for trans men, it just so happens that many of us experience gender dysphoria which demands we alter our appearance to reflect our inner truths. However, you _can_ have a shirtless trans man in your fic, just don't jump to using female language, or even focus on his chest if you do so. You don't _need_ to mention what he has. Just write him like any other guy, perhaps adding a nice little line mentioning that he's confident enough around his partner that he is happy to be unbound during sex.

Binding during any strenuous activity (yes, including sex) can be quite uncomfortable and potentially harmful. The ribcage needs to expand and contract naturally as we take deep breaths. This is something a lot of us struggle with. Some guys do stay bound down during sex, and this is something you can include in your fic, provided you're careful about it, and you include notes that educate readers about the dangers of binding. I would actually suggest having your pre-op FTM character wear a t-shirt during sex, perhaps with a sports bra beneath that shirt, as it's a realistic way to reflect the sexual habits of many trans guys. That's how many of us avoid gender dysphoria.

That said, you can just write a post-op trans guy! That may solve these questions pretty easily. As you will see from the gallery down below, some guys have horizontal scars left by mastectomies, and other guys have undergone periareolar surgery, which leaves minimal scarring, and often is undetectable. You don't necessarily need to spend too much time describing or emphasising the scarring of a guy's chest... **or the ways in which he is different to a cis man.**

**RULE 7: FOREWARN LANGUAGE YOU ARE GOING TO USE.**

If you plan to use any of these words, you need to state that at the beginning of your fic, so that you won't trigger trans male readers unfairly.

Obviously, these words could trigger you if you're reading this and have gender dysphoria, but this is a guide intended for cis authors, so I'm going to continue without censoring any terms. Proceed carefully.

  * Vagina.
  * Pussy.
  * Cunt.
  * Clit.
  * Breasts.

I particularly despise the word "clit". I hate it so, so much. It triggers me more than anything else, and that's my particular struggle. Not all of us are triggered by the same things, which is precisely why cis authors need to stop assuming they can focus disproportionately on pre-op genitals and not offer any forewarning. Some guys are okay with one or two of these words, some are okay with all of them, some of us are okay with none of them. Many AFAB non-binary people may also be upset by the reckless and inconsiderate use of such language. **Write responsibly.**

Many of us also hate the following terms:

  * Penis in vagina sex.
  * Vaginal sex.
  * Female orgasms.
  * Cunnilingus.
  * Pegging.
  * Time of the month.
  * Period.
  * Strap-on.
  * Squirting.

This is because all of the above have female connotations which, while inoffensive to some men, are highly upsetting to others. Many of us just want to feel that we have a penis, and want to have sex like cis men. We don't want erotica involving us to use terms like these. I addressed this in a [recent fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22387030/chapters/53486107), where I had an FTM character penetrate his partner with a prosthetic, and I did not use any of the above terms at _any_ stage.

Trans male orgasms are not "female orgasms". We are men with a certain kind of anatomy. **We are not women.** Do not refer to us as such if you are not FTM yourself. If a trans guy is okay with using female terms for his anatomy, then awesome, I support him. But most of us are not, and it is not a cis person's right to throw around feminising terms alongside fetishisation and infantilisation.

Many trans guys and AFAB non-binary people are okay with the terms "strap-on" and "pegging", but I know many binary trans men who aren't. Most of us who consider ourselves "born in the wrong body" (which is a term I apply to myself but not to any trans people who don't personally relate to that phrasing), and have severe gender dysphoria, do not want to be so intimately reminded of our pre-op anatomy or the ways in which we are different to cisgender men. I consider my prosthetic to be my penis. An extension of myself. A manifestation of what I should've had from birth. I don't want it to be called a strap-on. I want to fuck my boyfriends, not "peg" them.

Consider the following terms, which can function as tags without highlighting pre-op FTM anatomy in ways that may make men dysphoric:

  * **Oral Sex**, instead of "Cunnilingus".
  * **Penetration (Front Hole Sex)**, instead of "Vaginal Sex".
  * **Fingering**, instead of "Vaginal Fingering".
  * **Prosthetic (Penis)**, instead of "Strap-On".

If you're genuinely trying to write trans men, and you're not just feeding your fetish of helplessly submissive feminine pussy boys, try de-feminising your language. Use clever language to talk about the man's body, without labelling his body parts like you would a woman. If you really do want to feminise him in your writing, add a note like this one to the beginning of your fic:

_"I will be describing a trans man being penetrated in this story. I have used the terms "pussy" and "cunt". If that triggers you, please do not continue reading!"_

At the very least, please have the tags on your fic be non-dysphoria-inducing. I'm tired of scrolling past thousands of FTM fics labelled "vaginal sex". Have the notes in your fic provide extra warning, but let us browse AO3 listings in peace. There's a reason I can't stand to read anybody else's fics anymore. Popularity of FTM headcanons is making the issue infinitely worse.

**Just because a man is feminine in presentation, or pre-op, does not mean he is automatically comfortable with being penetrated. It also does not mean that he wants AFAB language to be applied to his body.**

I have written some pretty hardcore kink stories featuring transgender men. I always forewarn the language I will use. I write bottom trans men, versatile trans men, top trans men, and explore a variety of fetishes and gender presentations. I write what my dysphoria allows me to write, and I respect that no person's dysphoria will be identical to mine. Sometimes I can't even go back and re-read my own stuff. Dysphoria fluctuates.

**CONCLUSION:**

Cisgender people do not own transgender stories, and have no right to fetishise trans bodies. Defaulting to femininity, whenever you write FTM guys, displays a disturbing perception of transgender manhood, which focusses far too much on the fact that such men are AFAB. Question why you feel the need to focus on a trans man's vagina. **Question why you're always partnering a submissive trans man with a masculine cis man.** Heterosexual trans men exist, too. Many trans men have penises.

If you're doing your best to write trans men respectfully, actually take the time to explore what it means to be a man. Listen to trans guys when they talk about their bodies. **Consider headcanoning an older guy as FTM, rather than always deciding to apply this headcanon to a younger, prettier, more submissive character.**

**GALLERY OF TRANS MEN:**

Think of these men, before you start writing an FTM headcanon. We can be muscular, hairy, big-bellied, masculine, and bearded. Many of us _are_. Diversify your writing, if you actually give a fuck about representing a community you do not belong in, and cannot speak for. Some of us love dressing up and getting creative with our gender presentation. Some of us would rather die than _ever_ put on a skirt or dress again. **No two trans men are the same. _Any_ male character could be headcanoned as FTM.**

** **

** **

_[Jamison Green](https://youtu.be/m3Z7SlZqxpI) (father, activist, bisexual, and documentary star, born 1948)._

_[Carter Brown](https://youtu.be/rVAah48Gt3M) (activist, victim of workplace discrimination, founder of [Black Transmen, Inc](https://blacktransmen.org/carter-brown/))._

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_[Patricio Manuel](https://youtu.be/-lNiKqf4mU0) (professional boxer, advocate, [dating a non-binary person](https://www.kqed.org/news/11723590/a-love-worth-fighting-for))._

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_[Robert Eads](https://youtu.be/IH0L3wlV0hg) (documentary star, heterosexual trans man, father, transsexual, 1945-1999)._

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_Loren Cameron (photographer and activist, born 1959)._

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_[Benjamin Melzer](https://squaremile.com/style/benjamin-melzer-model-interview/) (model, activist)._

_ [Willmer ](https://youtu.be/ziJhLHDaWLA) [Broadnax](https://youtu.be/ziJhLHDaWLA) (gospel singer, transsexual, 1916-1992. He did not undergo a medical transition)._

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_[Lucas Silveira](https://youtu.be/2QHSr2lEK4s) (singer, musician, identifies as queer. He is credited as the first openly transgender man to have signed with a major record label)._

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_Asami Murase, Kasho Iizuka, Midori Saito, and Aiki Saito from the LGBT photography series [Out in Japan](http://outinjapan.com/). Asami Murase also identifies as pansexual._

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_[@trans_bear](https://www.instagram.com/trans_bear/) (an emerging musician)._

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_Mason, in [Man Made (2018)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PML2d4tHNlo). You can read more about the film [here](http://www.manmadedoc.com/film-subjects)._

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_Tommy, in Man Made (2018)._

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_[Billy Tipton](https://youtu.be/f3JAAxFYEws) (jazz musician, transsexual, 1914-1989. He did not undergo a medical transition)._

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_[Reed Erickson](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reed_Erickson) (engineer, activist, and philanthropist, 1917-1992)._

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_Portraits from the series [American Boys](https://www.americanboysproject.com/americanboys)._

_[Casil McArthur](https://youtu.be/kgl6sCDrv2A) (male model)._

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_[Finn Buchanan](https://youtu.be/D_u7G5at1_k) (male model, activist)._

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_[Spencer Bergstedt](https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/skarlan/heres-what-older-trans-and-nonbinary-people-want-you-to-know) (attorney, activist, author, and leather daddy)._

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_[Krow Kian](https://www.dazeddigital.com/fashion/article/43136/1/krow-model-louis-vuitton-lgbtq-interview) (male model, activist)._

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_El Cook in [TransMilitary](https://youtu.be/QU1LouH7jvA)._

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_[Chella Man](https://youtu.be/Zm2ya9GdWN4) (genderqueer trans man, [actor](http://www.newnownext.com/titans-star-chella-man-is-the-craziest-sexiest-superhero-on-tv/10/2019/), activist, model)._

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_[Laurence Michael Dillon](https://www.sbs.com.au/topics/sexuality/agenda/article/2016/10/09/history-lesson-5-trans-pioneers-who-came-laverne-cox) ([phalloplasty](https://www.phallo.net/resources/videos/pump-penile-implant-erection.htm) recipient, 1915-1962)._

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_Tom Sosnik (Jewish trans boy who came out at 13 and then had a [bar mitzvah](https://www.haaretz.com/jewish/a-coming-out-ceremony-for-a-jewish-transgender-teen-1.5343539))._

_ _

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_ [Nathan Westling](http://www.oystermag.com/2019/06/nathan-westling-makes-his-runway-debut-at-prada-menswear-show/) (male model).  
_

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_[Lou Sullivan](https://youtu.be/SxgZNNX-v2g) (gay activist, 1951-1991)._

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_[Laith Ashley](https://youtu.be/Khy2hvwQbUs) (male model)._

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_[Tiq Milan](https://youtu.be/Vtc50uvaKtw) (activist)._

_Tuck, by [Amos Mac](https://www.amosmac.com/entertainment)._

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_[Chaz Bono](https://youtu.be/B8gxEdBvYjY) (actor and author)._

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_[Logan Ireland](https://youtu.be/QU1LouH7jvA) (soldier, documentary star)._

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_[Ian Alexander](https://youtu.be/TcRjVE9hdkw) (actor)._

_ _

_Brandon Teena (heterosexual trans man, victim of transphobic hate crimes). He can be seen in [this confronting, transphobic documentary](https://youtu.be/zU6zjFkS3Pc). He also inspired the film [Boys Don't Cry](https://youtu.be/mYpUhVvfGeg), which is also very confronting and outdated, but very historically important. You can read a review of the film [here](https://transmalepride.wixsite.com/jakesspace/post/ftm-movies-films-and-tv-about-trans-men)._

_ _

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_[Elliot Fletcher](https://youtu.be/gw6jsVvlRY8) (actor, activist)._

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_[Jake Graf](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgmOrKYjaFg&fbclid=IwAR1jtKDfyXE1447cxmwcvzscndDrv3z5aMbLv4ikZ3FcQx49r09_D01IaiI) (actor, filmmaker, model, [husband of trans woman Hannah Graf](http://www.jakeandhannahgraf.com/))._

_ _

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_[Kenny Ethan Jones](https://youtu.be/5CoRHTjR4AM) (model, activist)._

_[Ryan Cassata](https://youtu.be/IOery7rg2eo) (musician who has chosen not to take Testosterone)._

_ _

_[Jamie Raines](https://youtu.be/d9h7khC_RLg) (activist, Youtuber, bisexual man)._

The following words apply to members of the above list:

  * Slender. Muscular. Chubby. Tall. Short. Average height. Bearded. Smooth-skinned. Rugged. Young. Old. Middle-aged. Androgynous. Feminine. Masculine. Fluid in presentation. Post-mastectomy. Post-periareolar surgery. Pre/non-top surgery. Post-phalloplasty. Post-metoidioplasty. Pre/non-bottom surgery. Hormonally transitioning. Pre/non-T. White. Black. Japanese. European. Vietnamese-American. Chinese-American. Native American. Two Spirit. Transsexual. Western. Straight. Gay. Bisexual. Pansexual. Queer. Married. Unmarried. Engaged. Dating. Sober. Father. Jewish. Atheistic. Christian. Stealth. Out. Military. Civilian. Tattooed. Strong. Manly.

How many of those qualities have you seen represented in FTM fics on AO3? We are so much more than how we have sex, our transitions, or our medical history. We have whole lives. We are not all the same. We are authors, bodybuilders, dads, activists, soldiers, doctors, artists, etc. We are a diverse community, and not all of us disclose how we have sex, nor should we be expected to. **Fanfiction needs to reflect this. **FTM representation does not need to focus on genitals. FTM representation does not need to focus on trauma or conflict. **We can just exist as men.**

* * *

**FURTHER COMMENTARY ON FTM ANATOMY:**

This, my friends, is a post-op Phalloplasty penis. (NSFW IMAGE WARNING.)

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[Here](https://www.phallo.net/resources/videos/pump-penile-implant-erection.htm) is a video of a guy getting hard after a Phalloplasty operation: <https://www.phallo.net/resources/videos/pump-penile-implant-erection.htm>

If you're going to write a trans man, you do NOT need to focus on his pre-op vagina. Consider exploring a range of bodies and ways to have sex. Even if a man does not have a penis, he can still dominate using his hands, his mouth, and his words. He does NOT have to be submissive just because he has certain genitals, and you do NOT need to use female-coded language to describe him every single time you approach intimate scenes.

If a man has had Metoidioplasty, he will have a smaller (but fully sensitive) cock, and potentially balls as well. Consider writing a diversity of trans guys, instead of feminising trans men for the sake of fetishising us. Men with Phallo cocks, depending on the type of operation, can maintain erections for as long as they want, and will usually have cis-passing penises. Make use of this! Write dominant top trans guys, sometime. Change it up.

Here is a film still from a [prosthetic promotional video](https://youtu.be/p59glclW4Vs?t=231), featuring a pre-op trans male wearing a silicone cock.

There is nothing wrong with being pre-op, or taking pride in your birth anatomy. Many guys are cool with what they have. But, as you can see above, some of us– whether constantly or occasionally- prefer to have cocks. Prosthetics are amazing nowadays. You _can _write a trans man, and focus on his cock. Whether it's silicone or flesh, he can have a cock.

Also, if you're writing a futuristic fic, you _can _give the trans man cis-passing anatomy. **I refuse to believe that AO3 can feature robot sex, sentient androids, aliens, magic transformation, and all other kinds of wonderful things, yet advancements in surgery or transgender body modification are somehow improbable. Why not give your trans male character a penis?**

We're out here, masculine and diverse, feminine and dominant, having sex in all kinds of ways. That should be reflected by the works on this site. Try something new, instead of defaulting to incorrect and insulting fetishisation of trans men.

**This is important.**


End file.
